Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
