you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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