I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
