6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
