Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize