i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
