You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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