Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
