last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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