so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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