I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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