If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
