You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
