Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
