rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
