apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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