Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
