my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize