a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
