my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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