Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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