You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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