Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
