My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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