He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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