YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
