She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize