She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
