worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
