Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
