So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
