I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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