he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
