Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
