Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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