What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
