I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she looked like the before picture.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
