i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I will die if light touches me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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