3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
