Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
