When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
