awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
