She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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