I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
