im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
me + whiskey = a bad person
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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