Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize