we're chasing vodka with high fives
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
