is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
