So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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