My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
