a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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