winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
