I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have aggressive nipples.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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