Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
