last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
