2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need moral support for this bender
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
