toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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