I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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